


5th of July, two in the morning

by Miss_Von_Cheese



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst and Feels, Awkward Flirting, Lots of hurt and very little comfort, M/M, Sadness, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-13 00:19:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2129952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Von_Cheese/pseuds/Miss_Von_Cheese
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is throwing a big party for his birthday, and tonight he'll make his move: he's gonna ask Phil Coulson out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5th of July, two in the morning

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick ficlet written for [Evil Phil Coulson](http://evil-phil-coulson.tumblr.com) who wanted some unrequited Capsicoul for the 4th of July. She didn't say whose love should be unrequited though, so I went for a young and inexperienced lovestruck Steve. 
> 
> Warning: it's sad and angsty, look the other way if you're in the mood for fluff.

It’s the 4th of July and Steve celebrates his birthday for the first time in decades. Sam and Bucky help him throw a huge party in Stark Tower, everyone is welcome to their apartment: the Avengers of course, Thor even came back from Asgard for him, but also some faithful SHIELD agents, some friends Steve made, a few veterans, and they even bought candies for the kids in the neighborhood. 

They got a lot of food, even more drinks, they’re happy to celebrate both their country and Steve’s birthday. The moment Sam and Bucky see him coming out of his room, wearing a ridiculously tight t-shirt and skinny jeans, they know what he’s up to. Steve invited Coulson tonight, he’s on the hunt. Frankly, Steve could get anyone with his body wrapped in such sexy clothes, but making his move during his big party, in front of everyone, that’s not such a good idea. Bucky knows Steve has never been the smooth kind but still, he can’t help worrying a little. This Coulson guy, he’s something else. 

Steve met him before the battle of New-York, and even though it was just a crush at first sight, it quickly became something more. In a few hours it turned into respect, admiration, envy and pure lust. From the moment Steve learned Coulson was still alive, and the new SHIELD director, his mind has been set on him. Sam and Bucky remember how flustered the super soldier was when he was told by his crush that he “adapted to 21th century very well, and had a great sense of fashion”. He looked like a puppy about to wet the floor.

 

It’s the 4th of July and as fireworks light up the dark skies, Steve’s face lights up when Coulson enters the room. He’s late but he finally shows up, as dapper as always with his dark suit and tie. All of a sudden, as nice and polite as he tries to be, Steve completely ignores his other guests to focus on Agent, no, Director Coulson. Like a bug attracted to the light of a lamp, he carelessly gravitates around him, unaware of the burn he’s going to get. Bucky and Sam see, and they feel sorry for him already, but Steve doesn’t notice anything. He smiles, he flirts and compliments Phil, he talks with him and Clint, he laughs at his jokes as if Coulson were the wittiest person alive. He’s too lovestruck to notice anything wrong, and his flirting gets even slightly more offensive as he places his hand on Coulson’s biceps, or his arm around the shoulders “of the greatest agent” he’s ever known, and encourages everyone to cheer for him. As if it weren’t his birthday. As if Coulson were the king of the day.

 

It’s the 4th of July and Sam and Bucky are slightly jealous when they see Steve’s ecstatic face as he opens his present from Phil. It’s some old book, they can’t read the title from where they are, but Steve acts like it’s the best gift of all times. He exclaims that he’s never read it but if it’s Phil’s favorite then it must be a great one, right guys? Right guys? 

Bucky didn’t get the same reaction when he got him some expensive art supplies, his favorite brand. Sam didn’t either after Steve unwrapped his ridiculously overpriced Cintiq. Yes, Steve thanked them, he was grateful but not nearly as excited as he is for some kind of second-hand book. But Steve would worship a booger if it came from Coulson, so they’re not surprised. They try to pretend they don’t care, after all, they feel a bit jealous but it’s not nearly as painful as what Steve is gonna go through in a moment. Bucky tries to keep everyone entertained, he keeps the attention away from Steve to spare him further embarrassment. He provokes Natalia in a Kazachok contest, and even after a whole bottle of Zubrowska she’s still better than him, so he pretends his arm makes him lose balance. Sam takes care of everyone, he makes sure the plates are full and throws the empty bottles away.

 

It’s the 4th of July, they haven’t done anything but listen to Coulson’s stories for the last hour, while Steve begged him to tell one more, just one more please! The party would be boring without Stark and Thor to spice it up, and Sam and Bucky to make sure everyone is having fun. Yet Steve’s best friends keep an eye on him all the time. They don’t stop watching, waiting for the trainwreck, ready to intervene as a team when it happens. 

Steve is sitting on the edge of the coffee table, a bottle of beer in his hand, looking up to Coulson with a huge smile when he finally lets his eyes wander over his crush’s body. He sees Phil’s hand and his face turns pale as he notices the ring. Trying to hide his confusion, maybe even hoping he’s wrong, Steve takes Phil’s hand. 

“Wh-what’s this?” he stammers, and Bucky loudly loses his arm wrestling with Thor on purpose to distract the guests’ attention. 

Phil shrugs with a small smile. “Clint just proposed. We’re engaged.” 

Steve keeps smiling, a cold bitter smile. He swallows, his mouth seems dry. 

“Cool. It’s great.” He looks like he could burst into tears anytime soon, and even though he doesn’t want to add to his friend’s misery, Sam tries to buy him some time to process his emotions and raises his glass, demanding a hip, hip, hurray for Phil and Clint. To the happiest wedding! Steve escapes to the buffet, grabs the closest bottle and drinks off the neck without even checking what kind of alcohol it is. 

 

It’s the 4th of July and he celebrates his birthday for the first time in decades, yet Steve doesn’t want to be at his own party anymore. Bucky and Sam try to keep everyone entertained to protect him, to help him hide his desilusion. He keeps a good figure but his face is dark. He’s there but his mind isn’t. He walks around the room, an empty shell, a shadow of his former shadow. He avoids Coulson and seems about to cry every time the director talks to him. His smile is too big, his laughter too fake, it’s painful to look at. He pretends he’s alright but he’s just a little boy who realizes he’ll never be daddy’s favorite. 

Steve knows he can’t get drunk so he starts a contest with Stark and Thor, aggressively doing shots and awful mixes that would send any other human being to the hospital. Sam and Bucky know he can’t get drunk, so they’re afraid of what’s gonna happen next. 

 

It’s the 5th of July, two in the morning, when Bucky wipes Steve’s face with a warm wet towel after he threw up in the bathroom. His serum enhanced brain could handle the booze, but his stomach couldn’t. Bucky tries to lift him up, help him to his feet but Steve doesn’t even make an effort, he falls to his knees and his forehead hits the toilet as he sobs, still holding Phil’s book in his trembling hands. He can’t get drunk but pain has the same effect on him, he’s a mess. Steve doesn’t try to get up, he curls on the cold tiles with a loud wail, crying so hard he retches. Sam takes over as Steve tries to bury his face in Bucky’s lap, he patiently wipes the sweat, tears and snot off Steve’s flushed cheeks. 

“I toldya a thousand times, you always fall for married men,” Bucky sighs, stroking his hair. “Why don’t cha go to a bar or something? Pick a guy who’s actually looking for someone?”

Sam gives him a severe look, it’s not the right thing to say, not right now, but Bucky shrugs and shakes his head with a pout, he doesn’t know what else to do. 

“I swear, it was already like that back in the days… married guys, always!” he mumbles.

Steve is shaking on the floor, shoulders slumped, face hidden between his arms. He cries, chokes on his own sobs, and his friends wonder for a second if a super soldier can run out of tears as other humans do or if he’ll cry like that all night. Bucky gently tries to take the book away from him but it’s useless, Steve holds it like a treasure. 

“Listen,” Sam whispers gently, trying to reason him. “I understand you’re sad and upset, of course, you expected so much and anyone would be sad in your situation. But please, calm down. Stuff like that happen, and you must respect Phil’s choice. He loves Barton, it’s time to let it go. You have to move on. I know it hurts, I know… but you gotta respect him. If he doesn’t want you then you can’t impose yourself on him, you know that.”

His voice is soft, soothing, he gently rubs Steve’s back while Bucky strokes his hair. Steve gasps, tries to catch his breath but his voice breaks in a high-pitched squeak. “But I LOVE him!” They both have never seen him so hysterical, Sam had no idea Steve could lose control like that.

“Yes, but he doesn’t love you back, and if you love him then you know you gotta accept what’s best for him,” Sam insists. He places a hand on the trembling shoulder, tries to push him, but Steve bats his hand away, and the veteran can read in Bucky’s eyes that it’s going to be long night.

“But I love him!” Steve sobs again. “I love him so much, I love him…”


End file.
